Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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