if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
