I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
