normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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