If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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