I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
