How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
