If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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