If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
