so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
