6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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