I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
