well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
