I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
