I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my poor anus
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
