SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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