Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
