Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
