She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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