how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize