nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
