I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
