they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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