My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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