I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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