Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
