We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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