I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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