she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
