It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
