Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
