I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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