I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
