I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize