sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
