i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
