Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
