I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
