Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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