That's intense
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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