you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
