Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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