i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
