Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You made out with two different species that night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
