I think I died a long time ago.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
