We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
