Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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