This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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