Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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