And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize