are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
this hospital has no fireball
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
