This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
