Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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