textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
this hospital has no fireball
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
