he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
