Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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