it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
