So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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