im about as happy as oj after his trial
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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