you're like a bully in the Christmas story
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
