wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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