I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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