you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
