I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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