You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
