The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
