I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
