She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
