if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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