Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
