Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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