and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
