Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
