why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
