Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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