Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
