just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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