This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
