I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
