I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
