all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize