I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
