Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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