Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
