watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize