I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
