No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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