Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
