how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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