I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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