hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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