I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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