my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
