just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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